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DEC14_5_500PX_17171551
"So," I asked Mary*. "Do you lot have any feedback for me? What tin can I practise improve the next time?"

We had just finished delivering a leadership training to senior executives at a big financial services visitor. My working relationship with Mary was a trivial tricky; she was my co-trainer and also my client since she worked full fourth dimension at the bank.

Mary did have some feedback for me, which was insightful and useful. After I thanked her, she asked me if I had any feedback for her.

I did. There were 3 things I thought she could do that would make her a more powerful, effective trainer. But I never got them out. Equally presently equally I began to signal out the first ane, she interrupted me.

"You don't sympathize," she told me, and then explained all the reasons why she had acted the way she did. She was polite, only completely defensive. If she were my employee, or if I were coaching her, I would have pushed through her defensiveness. Maybe I should accept anyway. Only I fabricated a quick judgment telephone call that it wasn't in my interests and wouldn't, ultimately, assist our working relationship. So I stopped.

A lot has been written about how to give feedback only not much about how to get useful feedback from others. It can be hard to draw out the truth from the people around you — people who may be as well nice to share the full movie or besides intimidated to exist honest.

And still information technology's a gift to know what people are really thinking about you lot. This is true in all realms of your life — knowing how your partner or spouse feels can mean the difference between a connected human relationship and a dysfunctional 1.

Being good at receiving feedback is particularly important at work, because your colleagues are less likely to push past your defensiveness and more willing to write you off if they take a hard fourth dimension working with yous. If that happens, you'll never know why — since you won't have heard the feedback — so yous'll keep repeating the same mistakes.

If you have a performance review coming up, information technology's an especially proficient time to work on your ability to arm-twist useful feedback. Your annual review is a prime opportunity to gain clarity on how you are perceived and what opportunities may lie ahead.

Here's how to increase your chances of hearing the truth:

  1. Be clear that you desire honest feedback. Let people know they're doing you a favor past being truthful. "Don't be dainty," you tin can tell them. "Be helpful." Explain that you want to become the near out of the conversation, and information technology won't work if they hold dorsum.
  2. Focus on the time to come. Inquire what you tin practise better going forrard equally opposed to what yous did wrong in the past. When y'all ask people what you can do to be more constructive in the futurity, they tend to be more honest.
  3. Probe more deeply. Don't just ask in one case. Give people multiple opportunities to requite yous real feedback, to increase the chances they'll feel comfortable doing so. It can exist helpful to enquire well-nigh specific situations — for instance, what could you lot have done better in a particular meeting?
  4. Listen without judgment. Try not to judge any feedback y'all receive, whether it's positive or negative. Give thanks people for being honest with you and let them know that you discover their observations and opinions helpful. If they think that you actually want the truth and you won't react poorly to negative feedback, they'll be more willing to be completely honest. If you get defensive about anything, they'll terminate and be polite.
  5. Write downwards what they say. This tactic accomplishes ii things. A little silence communicates that you're taking feedback seriously and it gives those offering it fourth dimension to think about what else they might say. Frequently they'll volunteer a second — and very important — idea while waiting for yous to stop writing.

Getting useful feedback tin can exist the fastest route to growth and improved performance. It's non e'er an authentic reflection of who you lot are — it often isn't. Merely it is e'er an authentic reflection of how you're perceived. And knowing how you're perceived is critically important if you desire to increase your influence as a leader.

Not long subsequently our awkward attempt to merchandise feedback, Mary left the financial services house and joined a dissimilar visitor, which she left after a short time.

Information technology may be hard to hear the truth, simply, in the long run, information technology'south fifty-fifty harder not to.

*Not her real proper noun